Hello everyone, and welcome to my final blog post for Monstrous Mothers of Literature.
So, after spending long hours reading through books on motherhood studies and thinking about the practice of mothering and writing about it etc., I was feeling philosophical and had a burning question I just needed to ask my mom. I realized that I've been curious about the answer to this question for a while now, but I didn't really know how to articulate it. It was just a vague feeling, an impression. Certainly not the sort of thing I would just up and ask her about.
All this reading and talking we've been doing - well, it sort of gave me a new vocabulary, I guess. Or maybe it just made me consciously aware of the vague feeling about the changing relationship with my mom. Either way I recognized that there was nothing wrong with asking her about it.
I called her up. About an hour and a half after I last called her.
Her: "Hello?"
Me: "Hello~!"
Her: "Hi, what's up?"
I am immediately thrown off of my game. She's stressed. How do I know this, you ask? Well, when she's not stressed she usually greets me with "Hi, pollito!~" or "Pollito!~ What are you up to?" Always the 'Pollito' (a pet name, it means 'chick') and always in a slightly higher, happy tone of voice than she uses when greeting anyone else on the phone. It's the voice she uses with babies. But now, she just sounds like her normal self, saying hi to someone on the phone.
It doesn't surprise me. I know my aunt is visiting from Mexico for a couple weeks and my mom surely just finished cooking breakfast for her. I'm also sure that my mom is cleaning up the kitchen, not letting my aunt assist because she's a guest, and worrying about where to take my aunt today. That's how my mom is. But whatever the reason, I am struck with the illogical worry that it's not my mom who I'm talking to on the phone. Did I dial the wrong number? I didn't say "Hello Mami," so maybe this is someone else. Her voice sounds strange - then again, I called her cell phone and not the land line. The sound quality is different. I equivocate, waiting for proof.
Me: "Um, yeah... Sorry to call you so soon after I last called you."
Her: "That's fine."
Me: "Uh, so, I have a question. It's sort of a weird question but I really have to ask it."
Her: "Alright."
Me: "It's sort of because I've been reading all these books on motherhood, see, so it got me thinking about stuff."
Her: "books on what?"
Me: "MO-THER-HOOD."
Her: "Oh, okay. What's the question, sweetie?"
Success! The intonation and inflection match my mother's usual speech patterns when talking to me. This is my mom for sure.
Me: "Okay, so, have you always been so stressed out and bothered by stuff? Did you never used to show it around me or is it just that I didn't notice because I was little?"
Her: "What do you mean?"
Me: "Uh, I mean, for the last couple years I feel like I have to protect you now, and I never felt that way before. When I was little you were, you know, -MOM-. You had everything down. But now it just seems that you're really vulnerable, always stressed about something - finances, your siblings, paperwork - and I even have to get between you and dad and tell him to lay off when he's annoyed at you. Y'know?. So I guess I just want to know if you've always been so overwhelmed by things and if you've always bickered with dad like that. Did I just not notice because I was little and didn't understand? Did you hide it from me so I wouldn't worry? Or is it really new? Because it feels new to me."
She thinks for a very short moment.
Her: "I think it's a little bit of everything. I do think that you get stressed easier when you're older, you don't have the energy to handle things as well as you could when you were young. But I remember feeling the same way about my own mother, suddenly wanting to protect her. Recognizing that she was vulnerable."
Me: "Yeah!" (I'm glad she understands what I was getting at.) "I think it's been in the past couple years at college that I started realizing it. I mean, you used to be -MOM-, you could just swoop in and save the day for me. Like, some great big mythic figure." (she laughs) "But now, I mean, you're my mom. But you're not -MOM-. I sort of miss that, the feeling that you could just make everything all better no matter what. But I'm also a little upset at myself for not recognizing it sooner, that you're a vulnerable person who needs protection, just like me."
Her: "It's just part of growing up, sweetie."
We talk some more, mainly about how in the research books I've been looking at, it seems like people blaming their mothers for all of life's problems is pretty common. She agrees that lots of people she knows have major "mommy issues." I just can't understand it. I'm lucky, I have a great mom. She's not a perfect mom, but I don't hate or resent her. Sure, there are a few things she's said and done that I resent, but that feeling never extends to her as a person. Even when she's said or done things I absolutely hate, I always understood her line of reasoning. I understand why she made the choices she made or laid down the rules she did, even if I disagree or would do it differently with my own children, if I have them.
Actually, that's sort of the only thing I could really relate to in most of the books I've been looking at, ambivalence towards the thought of having children. A few of the case studies matched me perfectly. I sort of idolize my mom, I think she's the absolute best mom anyone could ever have. I also think there is no way I could ever be as good a mom as she is. She is a natural caretaker. She always puts my needs and wants before her own. She likes to give me the money to go on school trips but she doesn't particularly want to go anywhere herself. I'm not like that. I want to travel, I want to experience things. I want to write. It would be cruel to have a child if I can't guarantee my presence - I don't want to be an Alice Walker! And I am strongly against nannies or intensive help from relatives. It seems too much like dumping the responsibility of raising your child off on someone else.
But why do I think that? Well, that's what my mother taught me from the time I was old enough to ask why some of my friends stayed at their cousin's or grandma's house for two weeks instead of going on vacation with their parents. For the same reason I have a knee-jerk reaction when I see infants under a month old out and about in public. I want to say, "Shouldn't that baby be at home?! In this crowded place, he'll catch something!" - that's what my mother says (to me or my father, not the other mother!) when she sees a tiny infant at church or the mall. God forbid the infant is out and about without the mother. Then it becomes "Shouldn't that baby be at home with his mom?" She must be a BAD MOTHER!
BAD MOTHERS leave their children with relatives and go on vacations. BAD MOTHERS take infants to public places or even worse, let others take them out. Hiring a nanny to do all the work makes you a BAD MOTHER.
But of course my mom is none of these things. She is what I was raised with, I love her terribly, so of course I think she is the BEST MOTHER. If I can't be just like her(which I definitely can't) I will be a failure. I will be a BAD MOTHER.
Logically I know it's a load of crock. I shouldn't not have babies just because I can't live up to the intensive parenting model that my mother conditioned me to see as correct. Try telling my brain that. Stupid brain, pay attention to the logic!
My mom is a person. I am a person. As people, we are equally fragile. We need to protect each other. We love each other. But I am not my mom. If I have children, it is possible for me to be a good mom, despite not being my mom.
There is a differece between grasping the concept and believing it - now I grasp the concept. Hopefully the next step will be belief.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Sunday, May 8, 2011
#9 Happy Mother's Day!
Mother's Day Proclamation - 1870
by Julia Ward Howe
Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.
-----------------------------------------
This poem certainly isn’t the sort of thing that we would usually associate with mother’s day. Then again, it was written before mother’s day was a recognized holiday. Interestingly enough, the message of the poem is just as pertinent today as it was years ago. Mothers still lose their children in wars around the globe. Most interesting to me is the thought of a council of mothers from every nation getting together to solve the world’s problems. Would mothers really be better at settling international disputes than other people? I don’t think that’s the case. However, the sentiment behind the idea is an agreeable one. Any (non-monstrous!) mother surely wants to protect her children’s lives and can understand that same desire in other mothers, even those from countries on the opposing side in a war. The concept of motherhood transcends nation boundaries, even if the practices associated with mothering differ between cultures.
So anyway, let’s all extend our thanks to our mothers today! And maybe shake things up by demonstrating your progressive thought and thanking your father for mothering you too.
by Julia Ward Howe
Arise then...women of this day!
Arise, all women who have hearts!
Whether your baptism be of water or of tears!
Say firmly:
"We will not have questions answered by irrelevant agencies,
Our husbands will not come to us, reeking with carnage,
For caresses and applause.
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn
All that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We, the women of one country,
Will be too tender of those of another country
To allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
From the bosom of a devastated Earth a voice goes up with
Our own. It says: "Disarm! Disarm!
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe out dishonor,
Nor violence indicate possession.
As men have often forsaken the plough and the anvil
At the summons of war,
Let women now leave all that may be left of home
For a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
Whereby the great human family can live in peace...
Each bearing after his own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar,
But of God -
In the name of womanhood and humanity, I earnestly ask
That a general congress of women without limit of nationality,
May be appointed and held at someplace deemed most convenient
And the earliest period consistent with its objects,
To promote the alliance of the different nationalities,
The amicable settlement of international questions,
The great and general interests of peace.
-----------------------------------------
This poem certainly isn’t the sort of thing that we would usually associate with mother’s day. Then again, it was written before mother’s day was a recognized holiday. Interestingly enough, the message of the poem is just as pertinent today as it was years ago. Mothers still lose their children in wars around the globe. Most interesting to me is the thought of a council of mothers from every nation getting together to solve the world’s problems. Would mothers really be better at settling international disputes than other people? I don’t think that’s the case. However, the sentiment behind the idea is an agreeable one. Any (non-monstrous!) mother surely wants to protect her children’s lives and can understand that same desire in other mothers, even those from countries on the opposing side in a war. The concept of motherhood transcends nation boundaries, even if the practices associated with mothering differ between cultures.
So anyway, let’s all extend our thanks to our mothers today! And maybe shake things up by demonstrating your progressive thought and thanking your father for mothering you too.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Friday, April 15, 2011
#4 Monstrous Mothers are Older than Dirt
Why, hello there! Check out this little piece of my senior thesis! If you're wondering about the title of this blog post, this link might help :)
Few mythological figures can claim a history of belief as long as that of Lilith. She exists, albeit in different forms, in legends ranging from the time of Mesopotamia to the middle ages. Though details have changed, certain key elements of her mythology persist unchanged throughout the ages: Lilith interrupts the natural cycle of fertility, kills children, seduces men, and defies the male authority deemed ‘right’ and ‘natural.’ Though belief in her existence no longer persists, she still serves as an inspiration for writers and artists, a seductive yet demonic woman who destroys rather than procreates.
Though the Torah only references Lilith once, she also appears a few times in the Talmud, Jewish extracanonical explanations of biblical passages. These mentions, though brief, provide a context for the way in which Lilith was adapted from the ancient Babylonian cosmology to Judaic tradition. For the rabbis, the scripture was the word of God and thus every word should be taken literally. Due to this literal reading, contradictions in the scripture sometimes arose. In the case of Lilith, the contradiction arises between the two different creation narratives found in the book of Genesis. Genesis 1:27 reads: "male and female he created them,” implying that man and woman were created simultaneously, assumedly in the same way. However, in the second biblical account of creation, Adam is created and then Eve is later created from his rib. These two differing account of creation led Rabbis to determine that the woman created subsequently with Adam in Genesis 1:27 was a different woman than Eve, and they named Lilith as that first wife (Hellig 42-44).
A later Jewish text, called The Alphabet of Ben Sira, provides further illumination on the legend surrounding Lilith as Adam’s first wife. In this text, it is said that Lilith believed that she was Adam’s equal due to the fact that they were both created from the dust of the earth. She refused to lie beneath Adam during sex because she felt that this would mean taking an ‘inferior’ position to him. When Adam refused to allow this, Lilith fled from Eden to the desert across the Red Sea, where she took up with demons. God sent three angels to bring her back to Eden but she refused. Because of this, she was punished to have 100 of her demonic children die every day. From here, Lilith becomes a succubus who seduces men at night, using their nocturnal emissions to breed more demons. Due to her anger at God’s punishment that 100 of her own children should die daily, she strangles newborn humans to death. In the way that the Babylonian Lilith interrupts fertility by keeping Inanna from ascending her throne, this Lilith interrupts fertility by using her demonic powers to cause the death of infants, miscarriages, infertility, and complications during childbirth (Patai 295-296).
Few mythological figures can claim a history of belief as long as that of Lilith. She exists, albeit in different forms, in legends ranging from the time of Mesopotamia to the middle ages. Though details have changed, certain key elements of her mythology persist unchanged throughout the ages: Lilith interrupts the natural cycle of fertility, kills children, seduces men, and defies the male authority deemed ‘right’ and ‘natural.’ Though belief in her existence no longer persists, she still serves as an inspiration for writers and artists, a seductive yet demonic woman who destroys rather than procreates.
Though the Torah only references Lilith once, she also appears a few times in the Talmud, Jewish extracanonical explanations of biblical passages. These mentions, though brief, provide a context for the way in which Lilith was adapted from the ancient Babylonian cosmology to Judaic tradition. For the rabbis, the scripture was the word of God and thus every word should be taken literally. Due to this literal reading, contradictions in the scripture sometimes arose. In the case of Lilith, the contradiction arises between the two different creation narratives found in the book of Genesis. Genesis 1:27 reads: "male and female he created them,” implying that man and woman were created simultaneously, assumedly in the same way. However, in the second biblical account of creation, Adam is created and then Eve is later created from his rib. These two differing account of creation led Rabbis to determine that the woman created subsequently with Adam in Genesis 1:27 was a different woman than Eve, and they named Lilith as that first wife (Hellig 42-44).
A later Jewish text, called The Alphabet of Ben Sira, provides further illumination on the legend surrounding Lilith as Adam’s first wife. In this text, it is said that Lilith believed that she was Adam’s equal due to the fact that they were both created from the dust of the earth. She refused to lie beneath Adam during sex because she felt that this would mean taking an ‘inferior’ position to him. When Adam refused to allow this, Lilith fled from Eden to the desert across the Red Sea, where she took up with demons. God sent three angels to bring her back to Eden but she refused. Because of this, she was punished to have 100 of her demonic children die every day. From here, Lilith becomes a succubus who seduces men at night, using their nocturnal emissions to breed more demons. Due to her anger at God’s punishment that 100 of her own children should die daily, she strangles newborn humans to death. In the way that the Babylonian Lilith interrupts fertility by keeping Inanna from ascending her throne, this Lilith interrupts fertility by using her demonic powers to cause the death of infants, miscarriages, infertility, and complications during childbirth (Patai 295-296).
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
#3 - Mom X 2
We've spent a good dead of time talking in class about mothers, "monstrous" mothers, mommy bloggers, what makes a "good" mother... we've also discussed the different standards held for mothers and fathers, gender stereotypes/inequalities, etc. But let's think about something atypical for a moment. Lesbian moms!
Though perhaps not as common as the average mommy blog, blogs of "two-mom families" like this blog called 'Mombian' provide some interesting perspectives on common mommy-blog topics.
For example, in this article the conflict between homosexuals who want to have children and those who feel it is "selling out" to the heterosexual status-quo is likened to the mommy wars between stay at home and the working moms who accuse the others of being against feminism.
In this volg by the site's creators, books about lesbians and motherhood are discussed. They make an observation that I never really thought of before - in regards to one work of fiction revolving around a lesbian couple's legal battle over frozen embryos from a previous (heterosexual) marriage, the couple remarks that it is refreshing to read a bestseller book about lesbian motherhood that doesn't focus on the search for a sperm donor. I'm suprised that this theme is so common. Actually... the only other popular work I can think of featuring lesbian mothers also prominently features the sperm donor... (The Kids Are All Right).
That aside, even the concept of lesbian motherhood is challenging for our current society. As the bloggers remark, people feel a need to ask "which one of you is the 'real' mom?" Many people just aren't able to wrap their heads around the fact that - gasp! - more than one person can mother a child, that the person mothering may not even be female, and that providing an egg or carrying the child to term does not magically make someone in to a mother, let alone a child's "real" mother. Maybe this has something to do with why most works of pop-culture featuring lesbian families also prominently feature a male (or the search for one's chromosomes, at least).
Though perhaps not as common as the average mommy blog, blogs of "two-mom families" like this blog called 'Mombian' provide some interesting perspectives on common mommy-blog topics.
For example, in this article the conflict between homosexuals who want to have children and those who feel it is "selling out" to the heterosexual status-quo is likened to the mommy wars between stay at home and the working moms who accuse the others of being against feminism.
In this volg by the site's creators, books about lesbians and motherhood are discussed. They make an observation that I never really thought of before - in regards to one work of fiction revolving around a lesbian couple's legal battle over frozen embryos from a previous (heterosexual) marriage, the couple remarks that it is refreshing to read a bestseller book about lesbian motherhood that doesn't focus on the search for a sperm donor. I'm suprised that this theme is so common. Actually... the only other popular work I can think of featuring lesbian mothers also prominently features the sperm donor... (The Kids Are All Right).
That aside, even the concept of lesbian motherhood is challenging for our current society. As the bloggers remark, people feel a need to ask "which one of you is the 'real' mom?" Many people just aren't able to wrap their heads around the fact that - gasp! - more than one person can mother a child, that the person mothering may not even be female, and that providing an egg or carrying the child to term does not magically make someone in to a mother, let alone a child's "real" mother. Maybe this has something to do with why most works of pop-culture featuring lesbian families also prominently feature a male (or the search for one's chromosomes, at least).
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
#2 Dumb Mom on What Not to Wear
Hey everyone!
I was watching TV yesterday when lo and behold, TLC's What Not to Wear came on and the person getting a fashion intervention was a popular mommy blogger Amanda, otherwise known as "Dumb Mom."
During the show's transformation process Amanda shared her insecurities; body image issues after having children, only thinking about herself in a critical/manner, etc. The sort of thing that I don't really see much of on any of the mommy blogs I have visited. Even Amanda admits that her online persona is more confident and outgoing that she actually is. I'll admit, it greatly suprised me when I read through a sizeable amount of mommy blogs and found that most of them offered giveaways, craft/recipe tips, product reviews, and that sort of thing... I'm sure it's out there, I just didn't run in to any posts talking about being covered with spitup, not having the energy to wear anything except sweatpants -- you know, the unglamorous parts of motherhood. Maybe those sorts of blogs don't make it to the top 100 mommy blog lists, not enough giveaways! Ha ha.
If I ever write a mommy blog, I'll try to make it as accurate to myself as possible. None of this supermom junk. If you read the comments on Amanda's entry about the show, lots of the women commenting say that they feel exactly like Amanda does. They think negatively about their body images, think of themselves as ugly now that they have post-pregnancy bodies, etc. Discussion and support related to these sorts of subjects are the sort of things that I would want from a mommy blog I followed. Sure, giveaways are nice and all, but my favorite part of blogging is the ability to post your thoughts and feelings out there for the world to see and the random friendships that are from from it. I doubt becoming a mother would change that for me.
Maybe I've just been peeking at the wrong blogs? Anyone have any good links to mommy blogs that "tell it like it is?"
I was watching TV yesterday when lo and behold, TLC's What Not to Wear came on and the person getting a fashion intervention was a popular mommy blogger Amanda, otherwise known as "Dumb Mom."
During the show's transformation process Amanda shared her insecurities; body image issues after having children, only thinking about herself in a critical/manner, etc. The sort of thing that I don't really see much of on any of the mommy blogs I have visited. Even Amanda admits that her online persona is more confident and outgoing that she actually is. I'll admit, it greatly suprised me when I read through a sizeable amount of mommy blogs and found that most of them offered giveaways, craft/recipe tips, product reviews, and that sort of thing... I'm sure it's out there, I just didn't run in to any posts talking about being covered with spitup, not having the energy to wear anything except sweatpants -- you know, the unglamorous parts of motherhood. Maybe those sorts of blogs don't make it to the top 100 mommy blog lists, not enough giveaways! Ha ha.
If I ever write a mommy blog, I'll try to make it as accurate to myself as possible. None of this supermom junk. If you read the comments on Amanda's entry about the show, lots of the women commenting say that they feel exactly like Amanda does. They think negatively about their body images, think of themselves as ugly now that they have post-pregnancy bodies, etc. Discussion and support related to these sorts of subjects are the sort of things that I would want from a mommy blog I followed. Sure, giveaways are nice and all, but my favorite part of blogging is the ability to post your thoughts and feelings out there for the world to see and the random friendships that are from from it. I doubt becoming a mother would change that for me.
Maybe I've just been peeking at the wrong blogs? Anyone have any good links to mommy blogs that "tell it like it is?"
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
#1 Have you heard of "Push Presents?"
Push Presents. As in, presents given by fathers to mothers for pushing out a baby. For anyone who hasn't heard of this practice I suggest you read this New York Times article about it.
I will admit that I never heard of Push Presents before today, when I randomly happened upon the term on a website completely unrelated to anything dealing with maternity/childbirth (it was actually part of a fan fiction prompt on a livejournal community I frequent). Curious, I looked it up online to find out what exactly the term meant.
In short, Push Presents are meant to be a "reward" or a "thank you" that the father gives to the mother to demonstrate gratitude for the nine months of pregnancy and the child birthing process. No one is quite sure how the practice came about, but it is on the rise in the USA. Theorists suggest that the rise in popularity is due to modern fathers being more sensitive to the intense physical toll pregnancy and childbirth take, leading to them feeling the mother of their child deserves some sort of recompense in exchange. Another suggestion is that it stems from the growing assertiveness of the modern woman, saying what she wants and expecting to get it. The most common Push Present is diamond jewelry or some other form of luxury item that the mother wants.
Fathers demonstrating appreciation for the mother's self-sacrifice is of course a good thing, but I'm not so sure how I feel about the practice as a whole. I'm not the only one. In some ways it points to the growing materialism of our culture when a mom wants the father to give her Tiffany's & Co. jewelry or designer bags rather than help by taking over the chores while she is recovering. Should a mom be 'rewarded' for having a baby? Offering understanding, appreciation, and support are one thing, but is 'paying' the mother for her effort really the right way to go about it?
Despite the fact that their popularity is increasing, it seems to me that Push Presents are clearly a phenomenon of the privileged upper middle class. Who else can afford diamonds when the family suddenly has another mouth to feed? Is a father a bad father or an unappreciative father simply because he does not (and perhaps cannot afford to) present his wife with a gift in exchange for the birth of his child? If Push Presents gain enough popularity to be seen as "the norm," surely assumption will be that he is. The New York Times article even mentions this problem, pointing out that some fathers feel pressured into giving a Push Present by the mother and her friends. Usually mothers drop hints or even outright demand Push Presents from fathers, pointing to the materialistic nature of the practice rather than the appreciative nature which would result if the fathers gave the mother a present without being prompted to do so.
In short, Push Presents are gaining in popularity but with popularity comes controversy. What perhaps started out as a gesture of appreciation is all too swiftly losing its initial meaning. Restricted to those with money to afford such presents, fathers of the lower class will be left to face accusations of being unappreciative. Or at least, that's how it seems to me.
What do you think about Push Presents? Have you given one? Received one? Would you want to?
I will admit that I never heard of Push Presents before today, when I randomly happened upon the term on a website completely unrelated to anything dealing with maternity/childbirth (it was actually part of a fan fiction prompt on a livejournal community I frequent). Curious, I looked it up online to find out what exactly the term meant.
In short, Push Presents are meant to be a "reward" or a "thank you" that the father gives to the mother to demonstrate gratitude for the nine months of pregnancy and the child birthing process. No one is quite sure how the practice came about, but it is on the rise in the USA. Theorists suggest that the rise in popularity is due to modern fathers being more sensitive to the intense physical toll pregnancy and childbirth take, leading to them feeling the mother of their child deserves some sort of recompense in exchange. Another suggestion is that it stems from the growing assertiveness of the modern woman, saying what she wants and expecting to get it. The most common Push Present is diamond jewelry or some other form of luxury item that the mother wants.
Fathers demonstrating appreciation for the mother's self-sacrifice is of course a good thing, but I'm not so sure how I feel about the practice as a whole. I'm not the only one. In some ways it points to the growing materialism of our culture when a mom wants the father to give her Tiffany's & Co. jewelry or designer bags rather than help by taking over the chores while she is recovering. Should a mom be 'rewarded' for having a baby? Offering understanding, appreciation, and support are one thing, but is 'paying' the mother for her effort really the right way to go about it?
Despite the fact that their popularity is increasing, it seems to me that Push Presents are clearly a phenomenon of the privileged upper middle class. Who else can afford diamonds when the family suddenly has another mouth to feed? Is a father a bad father or an unappreciative father simply because he does not (and perhaps cannot afford to) present his wife with a gift in exchange for the birth of his child? If Push Presents gain enough popularity to be seen as "the norm," surely assumption will be that he is. The New York Times article even mentions this problem, pointing out that some fathers feel pressured into giving a Push Present by the mother and her friends. Usually mothers drop hints or even outright demand Push Presents from fathers, pointing to the materialistic nature of the practice rather than the appreciative nature which would result if the fathers gave the mother a present without being prompted to do so.
In short, Push Presents are gaining in popularity but with popularity comes controversy. What perhaps started out as a gesture of appreciation is all too swiftly losing its initial meaning. Restricted to those with money to afford such presents, fathers of the lower class will be left to face accusations of being unappreciative. Or at least, that's how it seems to me.
What do you think about Push Presents? Have you given one? Received one? Would you want to?
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